Archive for October, 2009

My Kid Crapped On The Carpet

I considered giving this post a subtler title but really, what’s the point?

Tonight my kids were doing their usual pre-bath routine of running around naked while I was running the water to get it warm.  Ginger gets in the bath and I call for Fred.  He toddles toward me, pointing at a toy on the ground of the master bedroom, which is visible from the bathroom, and is clearly upset.  I tell him to get in the tub, at which point he says, “Poop!”

“Did you poop?”


“On the carpet, over there?”  I point toward the “toy.”


I run over to take a look and sure enough, there are three “toys” strewn across the carpet in the master bedroom.  Wow.

I then run back to the tub to find Fred climbing in, and Ginger screaming that he has poop on his rear end.  I tell him to turn around so I can inspect but he proceeds to sit down and I watch helplessly as a glob of poop floats off his butt and across the tub.

“Ginger, get out of the tub now!”

I drain the tub, clean out the poop, and then go retrieve the deposit on the floor.  It was surprisingly easy to clean up and this is where I made my biggest mistake of the evening (because letting Fred run around diaper-less and then sit his poopy butt in the bath wasn’t bad enough).  I failed to mark where the three poop deposits were and there was no visible mark left on the carpet, at least that I could see.  As a result, I had no clue which portions of the carpet to clean. 

This has got to be a joke.

So I bathe the kids and then get a flashlight and start crawling along the carpet, looking for poop stains.  It’s dark out and the lights in our room aren’t that bright, so I can’t see anything.  But then I realize my foot is in something wet – oh yes, Fred also managed to pee all over the carpet.  Fabulous.

So I did the best I could cleaning up the pee, but never did manage to find any poop stains.  Maybe tomorrow morning they will be more obvious.  In the meantime, I’m not saying a word to GrumpyDaddy, who has a fear of poop that exceeds his fear of death, about the essence of poop that sits on our carpet.  If he knew that our kid crapped on the carpet, you could probably find Fred listed for sale on eBay.


Stop Feeding My Kid Junk Food

I’m going to do something here that I don’t ordinarily do, which is a serious rant.  As in, I’m serious when I rant about this.

Why is it that when you invite my little Ginger over to your house for a playdate, you feel compelled to stuff her full of junk food?  I’ve yet to have Ginger come home from a playdate and not report that she had one or more of the following: lollipops, ice pops, fruit juice, candy bars, ice cream, artificially-sweetened water, jelly beans, and/or gummy bears. 

What is the point?  It’s not as though Ginger or any other pre-schooler needs a bribe to go on a playdate.  Do this many people really think it’s acceptable to feed kids this much garbage?  I realize that I’m a wee bit neurotic about sugar intake in our house, but apparently the rest of the population sits on the extreme far side of the spectrum on this issue.  

Moreover, are pre-schoolers really not capable of going 90 minutes without eating or drinking?  Ginger is on the lean side, but she doesn’t look as though she’s hurting for food.

Let our kids play, and scale back the junk food.  I can promise you that I won’t be feeding your kid any of that stuff when they come over to my house because (1) they don’t need it; and (2) I respect the fact that you may not want me to feed your child like that.  Trust me, our kids will have a good time without it.

Nakedness Is Fun

About 6 years ago, before we were married, GrumpyDaddy and I traveled to Ireland to visit some of his family.  One of his cousins came over from England with her children to meet up with us during our visit.  One of her sons was about 3 and tended to rip his clothing off at all times and run around naked.  GrumpyDaddy and I had several discussions about this, all of which started out along the lones of, “Can you believe that Johnny runs around naked all the time?” and invariably ended with, “We will NEVER let our kids behave like that!”

Fast forward to 2009.  We have two children and every night before bathtime, they love to rip off their clothes and run around the house.  Indeed, despite the freezing cold weather that has settled in here, they throw a fit if I don’t let them run around naked for a while.

And let me tell you, nothing is funnier than watching little kids run around naked.  Well, maybe little kids cursing, but I will NEVER let my kids behave like that.

Anyway, I think it’s hilarious.  GrumpyDaddy is appalled (he gets points for consistency).  My kids love it.  Life is weird.

Keep Your Filthy Germs Away From Me!

Since I always need to be obsessing about something, my newest focus is germs, or rather, killing them.

H1N1 (swine flu) is making the rounds.  We also have the regular flu to worry about.  And just for fun, the weather has turned sharply colder, which means people are just going to be sick in general.  As a result, I’ve become a bit of a germophobe. 

You know those people who won’t shake hands, and who use a tissue as a barrier between them and everything they touch?  Yeah, I’ve kind of become one of those people.  Plus, I’m washing my hands about 25 times a day.  And then using hand sanitizer, bottles of which I have stationed around the house, in my car, and in my handbag.

Apparently I revel in my insantiy.

You need to understand that I’m usually one of these “germs are good for you!” people.  I’ve never considered sending my kids to a chicken pox party or not vaccinating them, but I think it’s good for them to play in the dirt and pick up the occasional cold.  Germs are our friends!

Not this year, baby.  I’m basically convinced we’re all going to wind up in the hospital.

Please note this does not mean I’ve decided to actually start cleaning our house.  Why would I want to do something crazy like that?!?  So I’m sticking with the hand-washing.  It’s something, right?

Anyway, apparently using hand sanitizer, anti-bacterial soap, etc., is not good for the population as a whole, so I suppose I’m now making myself even more of a nuisance to the planet, but when you have two kids in school and almost assuredly will spend the next 7 months listening to them hacking up balls of mucus and feeding them ibuprofen to fight fevers, you are willing to take drastic measures.  If I have to play nurse to two kids + one hubster, I need to be healthy myself.

And so it is that in mid-October, my hands are already cracked and dry from the constant assault from soap and alcohol.  Woot for flu season.  May we all emerge healthy and intact.